Black Love Series – Kgosi & Dimakatso Mabotja

MOZIAK MAGAZINE: WELCOME TO THE MOZIAK’S BLACK LOVE SERIES. TELL US A LITTLE BIT ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARTNER.

Kgosi Mabotja: We met while we were in university (UP) around 2011 and were part of the same group of friends. It’s only a coincidence that we studied the same Course, BCOM Accounting. We officially started dating around 2013. We got married in October 2017 (2.5 Years) and marriage is absolutely great. I’d say that in our relationship, we are actually friends. We really complete each other when it come to our strengths and weaknesses and we are a team.

Dimakatso Mabotja: Well my partner is my husband. We met back in 2010 in university we attended the same campus church and happened to be studying the same degree. Spent a lot of time together as friends until eventually the friendship turned into something special and before we knew it, we were together. We got married in 2017 over 2 beautiful traditional weddings and a white wedding. Being married has been the best part of our relationship.

MOZIAK MAGAZINE: HOW WELL DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT YOUR PARTNER DOES FOR A LIVING?

Kgosi Mabotja: Very Well. We are both in financial services, so we do understand each of our jobs. She is a tax specialist in the insurance industry and is very passionate about her field.

Dimakatso Mabotja: Fortunately we’re both Chartered Accountants, although in different roles and industries, I understand what his job entails.

MOZIAK MAGAZINE: WHAT DOES BLACK LOVE MEAN TO YOU?

Kgosi Mabotja: It’s about the black community seeing enough examples of a beautiful marriage and family structure, that it would become an aspiration and an example. It’s about the young man thinking, about the man he wants to be one day, the husband he wants to be one day and the father he wants to be. It’s about the community seeing that marriage is great and can be made very enjoyable.

Dimakatso Mabotja: Black love? I suppose love is non-racial but I understand as a black couple we have a huge role to play in modeling to our family and community how a young, black, professional and prospective couple can truly love each, commit to one another and build a beautiful and fulfilling marriage. We live in times where the marriage institution and even the family unit is somewhat broken and we need to once again explore what makes for a successful relationship, marriage, family and ultimately a community founded on love.

MOZIAK MAGAZINE: WHAT LESSONS ABOUT LOVE WOULD YOU HOPE TO TEACH THE BLACK COMMUNITY THROUGH YOUR OWN ACTIONS?

Kgosi Mabotja:

Friendship: Before we were married, we had a period of being friends. When you are friends, you don’t have unreasonable expectations of each other, and you don’t need to put up an appearance to each other. This lesson has also come up as key in marriage, if I am friends with my wife, I will not think that “a wife should be doing a, b and c, but I will accept my friend and wife as she is, without any cultural expectations.

Talking matters through and forgive each other: On our wedding day, a friend made a very steamy speech when it was time to cut the cake. Yes, “The Cake is great”, but I have realised that the sweetest cake in a relationship/marriage is being good with each other, not having any bitterness, anger or resentment towards each other. But talking matters through, apologising where you have hurt each other, forgiving each other and not holding anything against each other. Being good and at peace with each other, is the core of intimacy in marriage.

Have relationship / marriage mentors: I think many relationships and marriages in the black community fail because we lack examples or guidance as men or women with regards to our roles in the relationship. We have marriage mentors in our life who we continually chat to, and our marriage develops not just when we have challenges.

Dimakatso Mabotja: I learned this from my pastor, “love is a doing word it gets things done”. I’ve had to learn to give and not take and being with the right partner (well that’s if you choose right) you don’t have to worry that you will have nothing if they’re also doing the same, giving and not taking.

MOZIAK MAGAZINE: DESCRIBE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARTNER IN 5 WORDS

Kgosi Mabotja: Fun. Quality. Growing. Precious. Healthy.

Dimakatso Mabotja: Fun, adventurous, friendship, dreams, supportive.

MOZIAK MAGAZINE: WHAT DO YOU RECALL THE MOST VIVIDLY ABOUT YOUR FIRST DATE TOGETHER?

Kgosi Mabotja: After a whole year of pursuing her and asking her out with no luck. I received 15 missed calls from her and she invited me for lunch and we spoke, connected and got to know each other. “I was finally in!”

Dimakatso Mabotja: 6.  It was a Friday evening, we ate Fisherways wraps with cranberry juice at the sitting room at my then student accommodation.

MOZIAK MAGAZINE: WHO IS THE MORE ROMANTIC PARTNER IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP?

Kgosi Mabotja: I am.

Dimakatso Mabotja: Hmmm I think we both have our own romantic ideas but definitely Kgosi for setting the mood on date nights.

MOZIAK MAGAZINE: IN WHICH PERSONAL AREAS HAS YOUR RELATIONSHIP HELPED YOU GROW?

Kgosi Mabotja: My wife is a wise woman that I can get advice from, encouragement, guidance and support. When it comes to family and work relationships or taking a bold step towards my ambitions, my wife has been an excellent voice to push me to be better, she is also a woman of action, so whenever I share an I idea, she wants to hear the action plan.

Dimakatso Mabotja: Area of serving others wow one of his most dominant love languages is acts of service and honestly it doesn’t exist in my love vocabulary. I’ve learnt to serve other people in general, still a long way to go.

MOZIAK MAGAZINE: HOW DO YOU HANDLE CONFLICT IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP?

Kgosi Mabotja: This is where our faith in GOD is foundational in our marriage. Many relationships fall, because people don’t know how to deal with conflict, the hurt, the disappointment or resentment is so strong that we would rather just ignore each other. Because we both understand, that it is not right to leave a matter not spoken about or dealt with, one of us will always initiate a let’s talk about it conversation, which after tears, prayer and being open and honest, bring us back together, closer than before. When it comes to conflict around lighter matters like where to eat out or what type of furniture to get, I generally give in.

Dimakatso Mabotja: We have created a safe space to communicate about anything and everything and especially our feelings. We both have different needs, different ideas, different backgrounds and at some point in our marriage we realised we are actually growing to understand each other and need to be patient with each other. Sometimes it gets heated and this is where we realised we can’t have a great marriage without God. We’ve made it our habit to take communion at least once a week and talk about those deep things in the right atmosphere where we can pray about whatever it is and forgive each other.

MOZIAK MAGAZINE: IF YOUR PARTNER WAS HELD HOSTAGE AND HAD TO RELEASE A CODED MESSAGE THAT ONLY YOU WOULD REALISE IS A LIE AND IS ACTUALLY A CALL FOR HELP… WHAT WOULD THAT CODED MESSAGE BE?

Kgosi Mabotja: I am a risk taker, but don’t treat me like an adult, ne.